Feeling like a failure in dating

You’ve got to this time in your life and you haven’t met a good man or married yet. You haven’t settled down, or maybe you’ve already been married, maybe once, twice, three times as the Lionel Ritchie song goes.

Now you feel as though people are looking at you as if you are a failure in relationships.

When we are stuck in the energy of feeling like a failure, in any shape or form, then it’s really hard to let that story go.

I want you to acknowledge where this “failure” story comes from. Where did this story originate, and  I want you to look outside dating for this.

Look in ANY area of your life where you felt like a failure or someone told you that you would never amount to anything, or you will never be as good as your sister, your brother, your mum, your dad or whoever.

Maybe an ex has been adding to that old, old story that you’re not as good as, heaven forbid an ex girlfriend of his.

Have a good look for the origin of this failure story, because we can transfer those failures to dating and keep adding to them in our relationships.

It almost becomes a justifiable reason to beat up on ourselves and human beings are really good at doing this of course. We’re really good at finding any excuse to beat up on ourselves or punish ourselves for any obscure reason.

It almost becomes like our default setting in life.

I’ve done it again! I’ve made a mess of it again! I’ve failed again! I’ve said the wrong thing, i’ve done the wrong thing and so it goes on.

So if you feel like a failure in your present life because you haven’t met that guy yet, I really want to help you “soften” how you feel about this.

Because if that’s how you feel about yourself, then of course this story will keep repeating. Then having even more dating experiences to make you feel like a failure.

Now you are “sending out” that unconscious “failure” energy and then you get stuck in that negative, destructive loop.

So have a look at where you feel like a failure in life, why you feel like a failure, and why you feel that other people are looking at you and judging you as if you are a failure in love.

This seems to be a bigger issue for women rather than men.

A woman’s identity is much more important to her than to a man.

A woman is also the natural carer, nurturer in relationships and in families and usually care more about what other women or her family think of her compared to men.

A man can be out there being the free spirit in dating and it’s almost like a badge of honour, but for women it’s a very different story indeed.

There is also more pressure on women to be “settled down” with a good man by a certain age etc etc.

So, who in your family or friends would you feel most judged by, or do you feel you are letting them down in some strange way because you are not with a good man at this time of your life.

Who is it that you least want to see when you are having a “bad dating day.”

Oh no! I don’t want to see aunt Ethel right now, or praying that they won’t ask you about your love life, or lack of, or what happened to that last man etc.

Feeling like a failure is a really tough deal in life, and I really get it.

I went through school the spotty, dyslexic dunce kid coming from the loveless, emotionally absent family background seemingly being told most days how stupid I was, at home and at school, and I would never make anything of my life.

The sad truth is that, none of this failure stuff is actually true.

You weren’t born feeling like a failure that’s for sure.

All of this stuff was dumped on you by your well meaning (or not so well meaning parents/teachers/peers) at the conscious AND the unconscious level.

It’s almost like the first part of life, we take on all this crud, and the second part of life, we’re desperately trying to dump it!

I want you to acknowledge and honour the parts of you that feel like a failure, and I can promise you. That there are very few people on the planet that don’t feel that they are failing or have failed in some way or another.

Maybe one area of their life they feel like a failure, (as in relationships) but not in their profession.

In some areas of our life, it can be easier to feel good, or at least better about yourself but when it comes to that man or lack of in dating, then the failure card can come out to play.

Or maybe you always seem to attract that certain type of man that doesn’t benefit you, attracting the non committal one, the one who cheats on you or heaven forbid, the abusive man, and of course another justifiable reason to beat up on yourself and say, I told you so.

I’m a failure in love.

Maybe you can even hear your mother/father/grandmothers critical words ringing in your ears. I told you, no man would ever love you!

Or maybe this has even become your self fulfilling prophecy because of the dysfunctional beliefs that you have taken on.

But no matter who dumped this “failure” crud on to you.

Especially in those first 6 years in life, where we take on our beliefs and perceptions, trying to make sense of our small world while trying to fit in and belong.

I so want you to know that the “crud” that they dumped on you, did NOT! belong to you. That was their stuff, the same stuff that was dumped on them, and then they passed it on to you like a destructive family heirloom to be handed down!

So for now, how about getting a pen and paper and set some reflection time aside for yourself.

Grab a drink of choice and start to put some names to paper. Who were the perpetrators in your early life who made you feel like a failure. Who still does?

When we are stuck in this energy sapping, repetitive story of, feeling like a failure, I’ve failed, I’m failing, I just can’t get this love/dating thing right.

I feel like a failure because I am still single, i’m no good in relationships, look how many times I’ve fallen for the wrong guy, I obviously don’t deserve a good man  etc etc.

Then what happens is that we might as well put the shutters up and stay home, because that is what is happening “energetically” and their isn’t much “law of love attraction” signal getting sent out there.

Even Einstein said, all we are is energy!

But the good news is that once we become aware of the truth of the origins of the “failure” story, then we can honour ourself enough to “soften” how we feel about that old, old story and give ourselves a break.

Because the truth is, it is not who you are, it’s only how you were made to feel about you!

And I promise you, how you feel about you CAN be changed!

Always bear in mind that those early people in your life who made you feel less than about yourself were struggling with their own pain.

The truth is, that when people are in pain, then they can only give out pain. That’s all they have to give.

Judgmental, critical people tell you more about themselves by their judgement and criticism, than it says about you.

Time to honour who you are, how far you have come, and your courage for carrying this pain for so long.

And now is as good a time as any to start letting it go, piece by piece.

Because whether you believe that you are worth it or not, I can promise you that you are 🙂

Please connect and let me know what failure insights you have come across doing this reflection. AND what you are doing about it!


But if you are looking for even more benefit than I can offer here, then I would love you to join me in the community of  “Inside Daters”

Where YOU will take the fast track to meeting the man of your dreams.

Where you can feast on an abundance of personal “practical” videos from myself in the 3 most important areas of dating …

Dating – Relationships & Healt

Working with thousands of people over the last 15 years and more I have learned that it’s MASSIVELY important as human beings that we feel as though we belong.

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1.. Dating

How to attract a GOOD MAN in the shortest possible time.

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The self judgement that stops that guy coming close.

No man will like me.

Feeling used in relationships.

Are your trust issues getting in the way of love.

Fear of rejection/separation/abandonment.

Frustration/disappointment in love.

Self sabotage in dating.

Are your past relationship/failures holding you back from finding love.

The 4 biggies in relationships … Trust-Communication-Respect-Passion.

There’s no one out there for me.

The differences between men and women.

Feeling good about yourself is the key that opens the door to let that man walk through.

And many many more …

2.. Relationships

Once you have your good man, this part of the membership area will help you make sure that you keep him 🙂

Remember your old issues haven’t gone away, they will be waiting to come to the surface at the first opportunity.

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For instance, I will help you understand the 4 most important aspects in ANY “love” relationships.

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Communication – Trust – Respect – Passion

I will help you get these four right, and I guarantee you, when you understand these four, YOU will NEVER have to struggle in ANY relationship with ANYONE ever again.

How good would that be 🙂

Here’s a small sample of the transformational videos in the Relationship section …

Developing healthy boundaries,

Attracting guys who lack emotional maturity.

The “I’m not enough” story.

Fear of rejection.

Self judgement.

Trust issues.

Can’t let go of my ex.

Fear of intimacy.

Self worth.

Judgement and taking things personally.

Fear in relationships & in life.

… and many many more.

3.. Health

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(and they do in really specific ways)

And more importantly what we can do at the practical level to resolve them.

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And what’s more, all of this costs around the same as some of the old dating advice membership sites.

If you have ANY health issues or body image issues that are holding you back from feeling confident in meeting your new man, you will find all the solutions here in this health section.

Here’s a small sample of the transformational videos in this section …

Issues like … IBS, digestive issues, allergies, phobias, feeling pushed out, water retention, depression, separation/skin issues, thrush, tiredness/exhaustion, cystitis, headaches, migraines and many, many more.

And of course, I will be guiding you in ALL of these videos with practical solutions to resolve what you are truly ready to let go of.

Click on The Link Below To Find Out More


I look forward to connecting with you very, very soon

Bill Tucker x

© Bill Tucker & Dating Inside Secrets 2019

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