Commitment or Willpower in Dating
Commitment or Willpower?
What will bring you the quickest result when it comes to dating?
How long have you been stuck in the frustration and self judgement of waiting for “the one” to appear in your life.
I get it, I spent many years suffering the same frustration that you feel now. I also beat up on myself for not having enough willpower to stick it out, having to dip in and out of the dating game when I had enough of a beating.
I didn’t realise way back then, that it wasn’t the lack of willpower that was holding me back.
What was doing a number on me was my lack of commitment.
Many years before, I had also suffered massive self judgement about everything including my lack of willpower, in not being able to stop drinking alcoholically for 20 years.
Even though I used to lift weights competitively and certainly didn’t lack either willpower or commitment back then.
I believed that I couldn’t stick at the dating game, or even enjoy the journey because I lacked willpower.
But I was totally wrong!
Here’s why …
Willpower is in the “thinking” realm and strangely enough takes up a lot of energy.
It’s future based, and the mind doesn’t handle future tense very well.
This is where anxiety and overwhelm come from, almost like this persistent fear of the unknown.
The fear of something bad coming towards you.
On the subject of using willpower to change our life for the better. New years resolutions are the perfect example of, why NOT to use it.
How hard are those New Years resolutions to keep up and achieve.
There’s a serious flaw in the plan you know!
For as soon as we try and use willpower, there are two demons that are guaranteed to come knocking on the door.
Fear of failing and resistance.
And how many times have those two kept you from moving forward in life.
Trying to get into the “love attraction” zone is no different from New Years resolutions.
Without the alcohol of course 🙂
Willpower is “thinking,” commitment is “doing.”
And commitment wins over thinking every single time!
Now some people say, but Bill, I need willpower to get to the doing.
Well, not exactly!
We do need to be “willing” to get to the doing, absolutely, and we also need to set our intention, for sure!
But willpower is tame by comparison and just leads to more self judgement when that man still hasn’t shown up when you expected. True?
Every day, commit to doing something that takes you a step closer to that man of your dreams!
It’s the committing that changes our present, our future, AND also re-writes our past conditioning.
Let me explain …
We have negative habits that seem to be ingrained in us through our past experiences, all the way back to the first 6 years of life while we were still in subconscious mind.
We were just like a big sponge soaking up everything in our environment, and modeling what was going on, even modeling the stuff that we didn’t want to and the stuff that’s bad.
This is when we formed our beliefs and perceptions about who we were, how we felt about ourselves, how well or not we fitted in or belonged, and of course, ending up in the present day judgements & fears about ourself and others.
Now most of the beliefs we took on back then were dysfunctional, they never belonged to us in the first place and certainly didn’t and don’t serve us now.
This is where all the negative self talk comes from, when all you want to do is get ready to meet that new man.
What’s the point, it will never work anyway. I’m not good enough for any man. Look what happened before. I’m a failure in love. blah blah blah!
And the truth is, the little voice (or big voice) in the back of the head is talking as much nonsense as the drunk at the bar.
But that train wreck in your head can be very convincing & persistent!
As soon as we mention the word “change,” fear and resistance are going to be banging on the door.
Expect it, acknowledge it. Just as you would a child who is desperately trying to get your attention.
It is only when we enter into the commitment part (the doing) part that we start to acknowledge ourself and feel as though we are moving forward.
This is so, so important. It’s a game changer!
Compare willpower (fear, resistance & judgement) to commitment (doing)
The doing part is the ONLY time when we have an opportunity to praise ourself and feel good about ourself.
Try keeping something up when you are busy judging yourself in a negative way. Like losing weight for instance by using willpower alone.
The judgement fiends are almost queuing up, waiting, almost willing you to devour that very first mouthful of forbidden food before it sneaks past your lips.
When we start exercising, even though there may be judgement initially, because our body can’t manage what our head tells us we can, If we cut ourselves some slack, we now have the opportunity to praise ourselves and feel good about our tentative “doing” achievements.
As human beings we are designed to be “doing” rather than thinking and talking about what we are “going to do.”
I can assure you, the world has no use for any more armchair experts!
We have two main drivers in life when it comes to change.
Towards pleasure or away from pain.
Which one are you coming from?
The pain of being alone, or the eager anticipation of being in love with your new man.
For most people it’s getting away from the pain that’s the strongest driver, but the good news is, it matters not which one you are coming from.
Taking action is taking action, and the end result is the same.
Sometimes though when we are driven by pleasure, the internal judge and deserving (or not) sticks its little head above the parapet.
But the bottom line is, there’s less fear, resistance and judgement when you come from a place of commitment than from trying to tough it out using willpower.
And I guess that if willpower was your superpower, you would have already joined the Marines.
Every day, commit to doing something that takes you a step closer to that man of your dreams!
Set your intention of how you want to feel when you are with your new guy. Write down the specifics and fine tune as you go along, but of course be open to him showing up in an unexpected way, and maybe even be a little bit different from the guys you normally go out with.
Keep the door open!
Be open to the possibilities and get excited about how you’ll feel when he shows up. Soak up those good feelings for all you are worth, just for the sake of feeling good.
This is the beautiful energy that you are sending out as your love attraction signal.
After 21 days, of commitment (doing) the subconscious mind now imprints your doing as a habit.
It now gets easier and easier to keep on committing, because by now, you will feel so much better about yourself and even the discipline that you have used, and are using becomes more and more enjoyable.
Commitment, consistency and feeling good about yourself are essential keys in getting what you want.
To be in the arms of that man of your dreams!
I know that you deserve all of this and more.
Turn it into an adventure and enjoy the journey of the new you!
Remember …
Every day, commit to doing something that takes you a step closer to that man of your dreams!
So, what are you committing to do right now?
Get in touch and let me know.
I’m excited to find out where YOU are on your journey 🙂
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I look forward to connecting with you very, very soon
Bill Tucker x
© Bill Tucker & Dating Inside Secrets 2019
