Are You Pushing Him Away – Without Even Realising?

You want to attract a loving man and bring him close, but it just doesn’t seem to be happening for you. If this is the case, let me ask you:

• Is there anyone in your life right now who you don’t want to see?
• Is there anyone you’re in any sort of conflict with?
• Can you think of anything or anyone you’re pushing away – “We don’t talk to that side of the family, so I can’t speak to her.”
• Are you in a situation you resent?
• Do you have a sense of injustice about anything?
• Are you experiencing any discord at all in your life – at work maybe?

We have to have closed doors somewhere in our life for doors to others to be
closed on us.

When we’re pushing anything or anyone away there is no space left
energetically for a new person to come in.

Resisting feeling ANY “negative” emotions or being unable to accept any situation in life that’s not going your way will block the flow of new people and situations coming into your life.

Holding any sort of grudge about anything or anyone is like living in a house and wanting to see a beautiful view outside the window but actually pulling the shutters down.

What’s going on with us energetically is SO important, and never more so than when we want to get into the “love attraction” zone which is an expansive “open energy”.

Resistance to “feeling” what you don’t want to feel, will put a wall up between you and that good guy.

And ANY blocked energy in your life will affect EVERY area of your life.

I really want to help you deal with any resistance you might be experiencing.

Our circumstances tell us where we are, and what’s going on. To change our circumstances we have to go inside and let some of this old stuff go to instigate the change we want in our life.

So let’s go inside together and look at what might need to change.

Resentments

Check in with yourself and see if there are any areas of your life where you’re pushing people away or putting the walls up energetically or physically to keep people at a distance.

If you find any resentment anywhere in your story, deal with that ASAP. It’s a BIG problem for everyone!

There’s an old saying in Alcoholics Anonymous: “Resentment is the number one offender in pushing someone back to a drink.”

Resentment eats away at people and makes them bitter.

Not a good place to be when you want to be in the open expansive energy of the “love attraction” zone.

How Are You Managing Your Emotions?

We’re emotional human beings. We’re not meant to feel happy or sad or feel love or any other emotion ALL the time. There’s light and there’s darkness, this is nature and everything in nature is moving.

The very word emotion means “energy in motion.” Emotions should be passing through (flowing) but the problem with human beings is that instead of allowing the emotion to flow, we resist feeling it and push it down.

Sometimes we even fear being overwhelmed by the emotion if we allow ourselves to feel it.

Do you judge negative emotions as bad things that have to be repressed?

Are you resisting your own feelings and emotions?

Over the years, I’ve heard many clients say they have this fear that if they don’t suppress/resist this “negative” feeling or emotion, they’re in danger of falling into a big dark tunnel. They fear they won’t be able to get back out,
fear they’ll go under.

It’s like trying to keep a lid on something there shouldn’t be a lid on.

Resisting or pushing down emotions causes us problems:

• we feel pain
  all resistance and suppression is pain
• our energy stops flowing in the way that is good for us
  our energy, like that of the Earth itself, is meant to be in motion

Whenever you feel the need to resist feeling any emotions at any time I want
you to check in and ask yourself these questions:

• “What just changed at a practical level before my feelings changed?
  Who or what was the trigger that changed how I feel?”

• “Who did I speak to, who did I hear from (or not).
• Was it something said or unsaid?”

Even a look from someone could be a trigger, even the tone of someone’s
voice.

Or…

• Was it a text?
• A phone call?

Even the sound of your ringtone could be a trigger

• Was it a message, a Facebook post etc?
• What did I hear?

Was it someone in person or on the radio/TV or internet?

• What did I witness?
• What did I see?
• What did I taste or smell?

Something has to change for our feelings to change for they are incapable of doing so by their own volition.

Check in by taking little steps backwards. Be your own crime scene detective to find out what just changed before your feelings or emotions changed.

Sometimes it’s glaringly obvious, but more often it’s so subtle it’s hard to
believe it could be that!

This is because we get triggered in the sub-conscious mind (because of our past memories) beneath our
conscious awareness.

But the good news in this is that when we join up the dots connecting the circumstantial change with the feeling then the “negative” feeling will subside. You might want a little pick-me-up after the revelation, so just find something that makes you feel good in the moment to give yourself a boost – anything or anyone you can appreciate.

Once you connect with the circumstantial change that just happened, you may discover you have to let something go that someone said or did.

Try to reframe whatever it was in a more gentle way to let it go more easily.

Ask yourself the question,

“Is this really so important in the greater scheme of things or have I just taken something too personally that wasn’t meant that way?”

Maybe it was an ex in the picture. That’s an easy way to get triggered, especially if he has found someone new and you haven’t as yet.

Trust that it’s the resistance to feeling how we feel that keeps us stuck in more and more resistant energy.

It’s the resistance that stops the flow of everything that’s good in your life (and in your love life).

Here’s a quick little awareness exercise that will help you to soften any “negative” feelings. 30 seconds may be enough;

Breathe in and out as slowly and as comfortably as you can while you observe the feeling and track where it is in your body. If it moves then just continue to focus on your breathing and follow the feeling in your body until it subsides.

If you’re visual, you could notice any colours, patterns, or shapes as you’re observing and follow them as they change.

Should the negative feeling come back just repeat this exercise as often as you feel the need.

But please also be aware that sometimes these feelings in our body may be trying to nudge us that a decision we are about to make about someone or something, is not quite right, or the timing isn’t right. When in doubt about making any decision, take smaller steps.

Any time you’re really in doubt, maybe no decision is the best decision to take right now!

Dealing with Fear

After the word “change”, expect fear to come knocking on the door! Whenever we have any upcoming change in our life, especially if it’s not of our own making, fear can appear very quickly.

Even as you make a decision to change or you find yourself in a situation where change is being imposed on you, ask yourself the question, “I wonder how long it’s going to take for fear to come knocking on the door? It will probably arrive quicker than a Domino’s pizza delivery.”

Acknowledge and honour and work through the fear as you see fit but without resisting or pushing the feelings down.

Remind yourself that it’s just a normal part of change:

Talk to your fear as you would a small child.

• Make fear your best friend.
• Communicate with it often.
• Remember it’s trying to serve you and keep you safe.
• The more you try to ignore, resist or push down fear, the louder it will
  scream.

Fear of Fear

For many of us, negative past experiences make our fear response a bit trigger happy 🙂

And then we end up fearing the fear, as if the fear is the bearer of bad news that must be feared like an omen.

It’s the resistance to feeling how we feel that causes the problem not the fear itself.

Call out the fear,

“Hello my old friend, how are you doing? I didn’t expect you back quite so soon. But thank you for being here. I think I’ve got a handle on the situation for now.”

“I sure appreciate your concern but things are working out okay right now. It’s good to know you have my back if I miss anything.

We can do this together.”

Sound strange?

You bet it does, but I have no doubt that resisting or pushing down the fear is
not working in the way you’d like it to.

The Danger of Suppressing How We Feel

We’ve got so used to suppressing how we feel that it’s almost become a national disease. You don’t have to look far to witness resistance to feeling the way we do or suppressing how we feel.

Have a look in your own life. How are you numbing your pain? With;

• Certain foodstuffs, drinks, cigarettes?
• Busyness, overwork?
• Drama – do you attract or create it?
• Self-abuse in any form, be that mental, emotional or physical, with substances?
• Playing the blame game?
• Being the perpetual student at the expense of your relationships?
• Staying in victim mode?
• Sex, shopping, gambling?

The list goes on & on.

Now take a compassionate look around you. I’m sure it won’t take you long to spot other people who are stuck in suppression. People in suppression are up to their tolerance level, and just have to numb out the pain by any means.

It takes a lot of courage sometimes to start acknowledging the suppression and the fear of being overwhelmed.

But acknowledgement is the first step in letting some of it go, and I can promise you that the more you manage to let go of any resistance whatsoever in your life, the closer (& quicker) that new guy will come to you.

Energetically, the presence of resistance is like talking to someone who puts their hands up in front of your face and says,

“I don’t want to hear anything that you say.”

This is the ultimate resistance and this is what we do to ourselves in subtle or big ways. But even the subtle amounts add up over time.

You may be saying by now, well, Bill, I just want that guy, I don’t want to have to look at any of this nonsense.

Good luck with that. Let me know how much longer you are willing to wait.

Letting the resistance go is how to open the door for your new guy to come through.

This is it! This is the quick way.

Make some breathing space for the energy to flow!

You don’t have to change everything. You just have to let go of some of the resistance.

You’ve already set your intention. He’s already waiting. You just have to let go of some of the stuck energy to let him in.

And if you’d like more of a helping hand, all the tools you need are here waiting for you to dive in deeper to let this old resistance pain go once and for all.

Surely YOU deserve better!