Insecure men will never put themselves into any situation where they could appear vulnerable.

Normal guys get affected by dating rejection or the fear of dating rejection but are not afraid to talk about it or share their feelings without the fear of being judged.

A few hallmarks of the insecure game player. (These are common scenarios from the dating sites.)

He can only chat during the day.

Unless he’s retired, if he’s only ever online during the day, he’ll probably be at work.

You really don’t want to be chatting to guys at work.

It’s very common for players to be boasting to their work colleagues and showing them your messages.

They just want to impress their mates and be Jack the lad.

These are also the guys that don’t turn up for the date because they’re otherwise taken, or too insecure to meet you face to face, and have no intention of showing.

They’re also unlikely to let you know – it’s all about them, remember.

I’m sure you’ve much better things to do with your time than interact with someone like that!

Another possibility with the daytime caller is that he’s already married or with a girlfriend and it’s not safe for him to be chatting online at home.

He suddenly disappears while chatting at night.

You’ve trusted him enough to connect with him on messenger or in a chat room and suddenly he clicks off, just disappears and doesn’t re-appear until the next day with a story that he lost his internet connection or whatever.

Maybe he heard his wife or girlfriend coming up the stairs (or his mum lol) when he’d told her he had work to do online.

You’ve got to ask yourself the question, “Who walked into the room he was in?

What’s he not meant to be doing?”.

Sudden silence.

Maybe you’ve been communicating with a guy and all of a sudden he drops off the radar only to reappear days or weeks later with some feeble excuse. Let him go.

He won’t tell you he’s been playing the field and thought the grass was greener on the other side with that girl over there.

Or maybe his ex was in town, and they were doing some intimate reminiscing.

You’re worth more than that, much more.

Here’s a true story one of my clients told me many years ago.

A guy who had some of the hallmarks mentioned above kept drifting in and out of communication.

This should have been a red flag already, but the lady carried on as she always gave people benefit of the doubt.

He had already not turned up on an arranged date with this lady (benefit of the doubt remember)

He arranged to meet her, they arranged to go to the beach. So far so good!

On the way from picking her up to the beach he said that he had to pop in to his house to put his answerphone on as he was expecting a business client to call him hic!

He asked her if she wanted to come in for a second rather than wait in the car (obviously wanting to impress her with his nice house to massage his status)

She thought that it would be a good idea to see how he lived.

He showed her into the front room while he went upstairs to the office supposedly putting the answerphone on.

She was looking around and saw some photographs on the floor in the corner of the room then noticed that there was some slight patches on the walls in the front room where the pictures may have been.

Intrigued, she took a quick look at the photographs and saw a picture of a couple in the same room as she was standing about the same age as the guy.

It really looked like they lived there.

She heard him coming down the stairs and quickly turned the pictures back round.

Even though her head was racing she said nothing.

They went to the beach and of course he just had to come past his house again on the way back and obviously invited her in for a coffee.

She made her excuses not to which started him sulking but she made him take her back to her car.

A few days later she thought she would take a drive past this house again and lo and behold there was this couple coming out of the house into their car.

She was fuming!

She went up to the couple and asked them if they lived there and of course they said yes, and asked her why she wanted to know.

She told them the story.

Now there were 3 people fuming.

They had asked him to look after their house while they were on holiday because the guy worked with the chap and seemed trustworthy they gave him the key and asked him to keep an eye on it when passing on his way to work.

This date actually lived with his mother elsewhere.

She got in touch and told him that she had met a couple of his friends who had said that it was a shame that they weren’t in when the “dating couple” popped in on the way to the beach.

Phone went silent!

The guy who actually lived in the house spread the story all around work, the “date” was the butt of ridicule and eventually left.

Seems the girl had a close shave and also got her own back

The dating world can be pretty tough for women at the best of times, but when you’re taking the knock backs, no’s, and rejections to heart, it can soon become a nightmare.

As in daily life, anything we take personally is really difficult to deal with.

But it’s highly likely the guy isn’t taking the ups and downs personally at all.

Stuff happens in people’s lives: work stuff, family stuff, health stuff. You can’t assume you’re the reason for someone else’s behaviour.

Assumptions are dangerous things.

They’re invariably wrong!

Let’s consider some of the reasons why guys don’t get back in touch:

• He’s too busy
• He’s met up with an ex, quite by chance
• He’s found another girl he’s more drawn to, or with whom he’s got more in common

Maybe he had the time and/or the money or even the health to be able to meet initially but his circumstances have changed. Some guys feel too embarrassed to admit that they can’t now do what they promised when they first got in touch.  

I’ve heard of guys with children who’ve had to give up on dating because their ex found out and threatened to stop them seeing their kids if they dated someone else.

Maybe there are colour or cultural differences between you both and someone in his family intervened (heaven forbid his mother) to steer them away from the relationship. The fact is, you don’t know what’s going on in his life when you build your hopes up that this guy might be the one.

Playing the field is, of course, very common on the dating sites.

• Maybe he’s just a game player
• Maybe he’s just unavailable and not able to commit to any relationship  

Men may want to or think they can, but when push comes to shove, they just can’t commit to one woman.

A lot of guys on the Internet dating sites, particularly the free ones, are like kiddies in a sweetie shop with way too much choice of goodies.

• “Look at this girl.”
• “No, look at this one.”
• “OMG, look at this one.”

Their attention spans are more gnat than goldfish!   

It’ll take a while or the 12th of never before they’re committed!

But taking it personally?

If you’re going to take it personally when he doesn’t call you when he said he would or stops communicating altogether, you’ll be like a learner driver trying to do their first hill start.  

          Forward a bit, no stop— oops, going backwards.

Stalled.       Start again, there I go — no, false start.

You get the gist.

Now the dreaded self-judgement comes out to play:

• It must be me
• I’m not good enough
• Or tall, or pretty, or whatever enough

Or whatever track keeps going round and round in your head.

Then here come the unhelpful negative beliefs:

• That’s what always happens to me
• I’m just no good at this dating lark
• I’m just no good in love 
etc etc.

Most of us take any form or rejection personally.

We’re human beings. That’s what we do!  

Then we find something to cling on to as a justifiable reason to beat up on ourselves!

It’s really beneficial to try and take some of this stuff less personally.

Not least because you’re potentially putting yourself out there and much more open for rejection.  

          Some you win. 

          Some you don’t.

          Next!

 That type of attitude is much easier on the emotions in dating.

Rejection is just a part of everyday life.

But in the dating world even tiny things that wouldn’t normally bother you seem to be right up there in front of your face.

Again, it’s not personal.

A profile isn’t much to go on. It may not even be honest.

A profile doesn’t tell you what’s really going on in a man’s life. It certainly won’t tell you what his fears and insecurities are. It’s the rare man who reveals his vulnerabilities in public!

You don’t even know who the guy really is in real life. There may only be an element of truth in there to go on. And remember, whatever is there will only be his best side!

I know it seems really strange when a guy who was all over you like a rash in the beginning suddenly shuts you out.

One week he’s sending you lovey-dovey messages a couple or more times a day, chatting late into the night on messenger, maybe even meeting up and starting to make plans for the future – then nothing.

One minute he’s filling up your inbox and the next minute you’re refreshing the dating site thinking that it must be down.

Maybe you had to beat him back with a big stick but now he won’t even return your calls.

If you’re going,  

          “What did I do wrong?”

          “What did I say?”

           “Maybe my mother was right, no man will want me.” Blah blah.

Know that this self-judgement, what you’re feeling because he doesn’t seem to want you now, is part of a long running story that goes way back, deep into your childhood.  

As children we soak up criticisms and put-downs like sponges and they erode our fragile self worth and made us feel “less than” about ourselves.

It’s a really good idea to soften how you feel about yourself so that you can let go of attracting the game players or the non-committal men.

Check in:  

• To discover if there’s a part of you that’s not fully congruent with committing to any man again for whatever reason.
• To look for any repeating patterns in past relationships.

Have the same stories been repeating for a while now?

Can you see similarities between the behaviour of your ex and the behavior of the guys you’re attracting?

Because the truth is:  

Nature always gives us another opportunity to heal our past pain. 

Now that’s a real bummer and, of course, we don’t want this to keep happening, BUT until we resolve or at the very least soften how we feel about this stuff then it is going to keep happening.

Nature doesn’t take any prisoners, and that’s just how it is.

Remember when your mother said, “Eat your vegetables, they’re good for you”? Nature does it’s own version. And that’s not to be taken personally either!

Do the best you can to be gentle on yourself.

Look for any repeating patterns going on in your dating.

Keep going back to the young origins of your self-judgements.

Check in:  

• How do you feel?
• How does his behaviour make you feel?
• Why is it, do you think, that you’re taking knock backs personally?

Even go back to the first boy who ever left you for another girl, the one who rejected you. He may even be your first true love, the one who broke your heart.

Don’t be fooled into thinking, 

“Well that was so long ago, it couldn’t possibly be affecting me now in the present tense.”

Human beings are too darned good at pushing down emotional pain. Sometimes we do it for life!

Maybe your dad walked out on your mum and you took it personally that, “My daddy didn’t love me.”

Don’t underestimate the importance of looking at the long catalogue of stories in our lives that are getting re-triggered in the present tense.

Different people    Different circumstances   Same old stuff

That stuff is what can be making you feel “less than” in some way, jilted, let down, left, rejected, not wanted.

Sometimes a man’s absence will make neither rhyme nor reason. The important thing is to be able to shrug your shoulders and deal with any of the criticisms and judgements that your past stories are dredging up to haunt you.

Acknowledge and honour those parts of you that feel “less than”. But don’t forget to acknowledge and honour the parts of you that feel good!

I can promise you that you are much more worthy than you could possibly imagine, and certainly worthy of much better treatment than the behaviour you’ve allowed yourself to feel bad about.

Trust is one of the 4 main biggies in dating & relationships.

There’s communication, trust, respect & passion, and if either of those are missing then I can guarantee there is a problem in the relationship.

Passion is optional of course as long as both people feel the same way.

Trust is one of our biggest issues in relationships.

 The fear of not being able to trust a fellow human has been in our psyche forever. If our early ancestors suffered a betrayal it could mean death.

Being able to trust another person is never more important than when it comes to your love partner – actual or potential. Most women need to be able to trust their man to feel safe in a relationship.

How can there be communication, respect and passion without trust?

If trust breaks down then there is no honest communication, and if there’s no honest communication, then there’s no trust.

And all it takes to have a potential trust issue is for one guy in your past to have betrayed you.

If betrayal has been a repeat pattern for you, even all the way back to your parents/family/teachers/church etc. then we have a problem Houston!

Just as an exercise, have a look back through your own life.

How many times has someone betrayed your trust?

How many different people have betrayed your trust, especially men?

Maybe you found out your ex was lying to you, or worse, cheating?

Maybe you still hear your mother’s words rattling around in your head:

• You can’t trust any man!
• Men will use you, abuse you,
• Men are only after one thing etc etc.

Have a good look back, because our past story dictates how safe we feel in the present tense to trust anyone let alone be intimate with a new guy!

Is your trust antenna on hyper alert?

Are you always on full alert looking for the minutest negative sign?

• I don’t like his eyes,
• I don’t like his smile,
• I don’t trust this or that about him,
• I don’t like the sound of his voice.

If this is you, then it’s going to be really challenging to attract and meet a new man because you are ALWAYS going to be able to find any reason NOT to trust ANY guy.

Have a listen to your own self-judgement to check in with how you feel about trust.

Does your self-talk go something like this?

• I can’t believe I let that guy in,
• Why didn’t I see that one coming?
• How could I have been so stupid to trust him?
• I can’t believe I let him do that to me, it’s just like all the other times, I always attract men who betray my trust etc etc.

Eventually, a subtle, invisible wall goes up and you end up not being able to trust anyone, let alone another man you don’t know.

You are now heading towards spinsterhood.

And I guess you wouldn’t be here if you wanted to be in spinsterhood!

I can promise you that even though you can’t see it, that wall is there between you and the man you’re seeking – energetically and vibrationally – otherwise that guy would have shown up a long time ago.

It’s like trying to get a good WiFi signal through thick walls, you may get some connection now and again but it is very slow and intermittent.

But it doesn’t have to be like this!

Imagine a world where each of us took full responsibility for how we felt at all times. There’d be no blame, no criticism, and no judgement – how awesome would that be?

Utopia, yes!

But whilst we can’t change the whole world for we can’t make other people play the game, no one likes anyone telling them what to do – we can change our world by changing how we feel from the inside out, and lead by example.

The key to attracting a GOOD guy, a guy that you truly deserve, is to acknowledge and honour how you feel and heal those issues dumped on you by people in the past.

If life has knocked the stuffing out of your ability to trust, and whether anyone knows about your past trust issues or not, the problem now is the unconscious energy you’ll be sending out. This is the energy that creates that blocking wall.

You’ll end up losing trust in yourself, and in your own senses when past patterns repeat, and you need to be able to trust your own intuition.

As a woman, you already have stunning intuitive/feeling senses within you.

Those natural warning bells are going to come up anyway because you are a sensitive woman, and you have to feel safe at all times.

Some women would say, “It just doesn’t feel right in my gut,” and, of course, if this is the case you absolutely want to honour those feelings. The last thing you want to do is go out with any man that you don’t feel safe with.

But for the moment, the important thing is to become Aware, then Acknowledge and Heal any past trust/betrayal issues, BEFORE you even start looking for a new man.

Then …

• you’ll know that you can trust your gut when it’s telling you something’s not right because your intuitive signals will be so much clearer,
• your “love attraction” signal will be flowing on full power at all times, and..
• that invisible wall will tumble down so he can appear and you can both connect.

If you are already an “Inside Dater” of www.datinginsidesecrets.com you’ll already be on the fast track to clearing the past “stuff” that keeps coming up to the surface and blocking you from meeting that man.

How free would that make you feel – to be back to your natural human state where you can trust your own senses and take small steps in the direction that feels right to you at any particular moment in time.

If you’re in that space where dating seems hard going and you suspect past issues (everyone has them by the way) are holding you back, you’ll find this is a genuine opportunity to let go of your past and stop it eating you up.

I really want to help you get the most benefit that you possibly can and to get you in the place to meet that new man in the easiest way and shortest possible time – that’s why I have invested a ton of my time so that I am able to lead you step by step.

Where becoming an “Inside Dater” is exclusively for women!

You might be wondering, why has a man has set up a site exclusively for women!

Having worked with thousands of men, women, and children over the years, I’ve noticed that most men are much slower to deal with their own stuff than women, and are much more resistant to doing the work to change how they feel.

Usually the men begrudgingly do the work, but for themselves.

Women on the other hand, are more willing to do the work that benefits themselves AND the other people around them.

Women truly are the ones to make the changes in the world!

Of course, you’re biased and agree with this, but I’m simply sharing the truth of my experience. This is why I work specifically with women nowadays.

Life and dating are truly an inside job, and I want you to honour your part in all of this and for having the courage to change how you feel for yourself and for others – even if all you do is read this blog post and check in if any past betrayals are sabotaging your love life now.

Trust is also an inside job, and you can’t feel safe enough to trust yourself and your senses when you’re carrying around all the stories of hurt from the past, feeling as though they are happening in the present tense.

I would love you to connect and let me know the trust issues you’ve been struggling with or are willing (or able) to let go off to reclaim your freedom as a woman.

And again, if you want to take the fast track route where everything is laid out for you. Sharing with YOU all the secrets that I have learned over the last 20 years and more.

I have made everything as easy as possible via Video, Mp3 & written word to lead you to the end result that you really want

The man of your dreams

I look forward to meeting you on the other side to witness YOUR personal transformation

Take the opportunity at your fingertips to change how you feel about YOU and attract the man of your dreams without wasting any more valuable time.

Click on The Link Below to Find Out More

www.datinginsidesecrets.com

I look forward to connecting with you very, very soon.

Bill x

© Bill Tucker & Dating Inside Secrets 2019